How to think

"I have no use for before and after pictures. I can’t remember starting, and I’m never done." -Joey Comeau 

I wanted to start writing this at about 10:30? 

Sat here for two hours looking for a quote and picture to post. 

I try too hard, so just don't judge me ok? 

This morning I woke up at 9:15 (fifteen minutes after I was supposed to), got ready very quickly, and went to church where I was a reader. I read this passage about christmas which is one of the only reasons I was there this morning. (that and I am on the youth and family team, so I had a meeting after church) thing is, I usually sit with my mom where the band is and so we play the music. Sitting in the pews is different, my mom was kinda off cause she doesn't like to sit down there and she wasn't even going to come this sunday cause there was only one service, blah blah blah. The Point of all this is that during church they asked us to do something: Share a time in your life when you felt grateful to be alive. 

hmmm... I thought for a minute. Well. first thing that hit me was that most people would try to think of a time they almost died. My mom even turned to me and said, "I bet you have one, the bones in Rwanda or something?" (referring to me going into a mass grave site while in Rwanda). I just shook my head. That didn't make me grateful to be alive at all, if anything it made me ashamed to be alive while they all weren't, people who were possibly/probably better than me. 

This isn't supposed to be depressing. Point is ---> I was most grateful to be alive when I saw MCS live. 

When I was standing there in that sweaty mass of people and couldn't stop smiling and I heard...

"I found a letter that said I'm sorry that you were asleep when I wrote these words down, You'd think I ought to be used to that by now"

...I looked at Chella and belted it. She did too. 

I realized by remembering this moment that I want to go into the field of psychology because I want to learn how to think in a way that surprises people, like my mom and barbara (sat next to us at church)....

~~~~~

P.S. -- I know why I am afraid of you. It's because on TV, and in movies, I have been told that you are supposed to fall in love and everything goes perfectly, then something goes wrong and it gets ripped away, before you even get to the best parts. So I am scared. You scare me.

P.P.S. -- But.. TV and movies aren't real life. You make me brave. 

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